So here we are again: the season of getting pissed and melancholic urges (slashing wrists, falling off tall buildings etc). Readers of TW UK will no doubt expect even greater levels of twattism this Christmas on the High Street and that. Do not fear; help is on its way in the form of newly commissioned research into what consitutes panning out in a mediocre urban context and shit. During the run up to, and fall out from, Christmas, cunningly disguised TW UK research assistants will be grilling parvenues and corporate flunkey types about the sheer wretchedness of their tawdry lives and that (see advanced statistical framework below for the low down on this little methodological fucker)
Although at an early, priapic phase, the data entering into TW UK's comprehensive database would indicate staggering levels of stupidity are being picked up in both parvenu and corporate flunkey type communities. High on their list of 'positives' for Christmas and the new year are the following:
Nobel Prize nominations for Daily Mail and the Turde Partnership for contributions towards Chavtwat Flâneury;
- increased number of chav tractor parking bays on the High Street and that;
- full endorsement for the City Vision Thing Ltd's 'Profit from Poverty' policy portfolio;
- a Grammar School style 'hoorah' chorus for BA and Royal Mail management for a (blow) job well done;
- Promotion of Kev(in) Milkybarkid to head prefect at Earlsdon Cottage for his contribution to fine dining, entrance fee kick-backs, tunnel of shame etc;
- Lifetime achievement award to City CEO for his contribution to the general dumming down of CV5 and the surrounding area;and,
- even more taxis, taxi marshalls and shit
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