Will 2010 be a case of Johnny Logan’s ‘Just Another Year’ or a Small Business Flunkey Type slogan ‘Just Another Fear’ for the end of Twattism and that? TW UK investigates

Recession, bank bail-outs, and corporate greed: these are the essential ingredients for yet another year of ennui, torpor, atrophy and that. You can sense, nay smell the seepage issuing forth from the underpants of Coventry’s upwardly puerile, small business flunkey/faux corporate types as they gather together in Earl Street pondering their next ‘big idea’.

And who you might ask will be the beneficiaries of this blue cheese thinking? Why you of course, the innocent victims of the New Twattism. TW UK, as on previous occasions, will not cease in its efforts to expose the iniquities of this dangerous schism and that.

Early signs of a ‘more of the same’ approach by the boys in City Vision Thing became apparent over the New Year with a replacement for the ill fated Sumo Fruit & Veg Thing with an enterprise selling baked beans, fags, bog-roll and shit and trading under the name Lubba Lubba UK Ltd.. So pretty faantaaastic Mr Bombastic.

So back to the Y-Front seepage thing; TW UK, as readers will know, has been carrying out a range of high end ethnographic research in the CV 5 area and beyond and although at an early stage of data crunching, can announce a number of emerging trends.

First signs of the Chavelle brand beginning to wear a little thin; respondents to the TW UK survey Misc. 149 have cited neat, ‘girly’ handwritten begging letters posted to ‘residents in the local area’ by the Chavtwat 4X4 Fine Dining Cartel Group as evidence of the free market system’s lack of confidence in the brand. Significantly, the Cartel lot got some local youths, described by government sources as NEET to ride round on their (stolen) BMXs delivering the (so called) ‘marketing’ leaflets – kind of neat eh!

A seasoned observer and associate adviser to TW UK, Harmony Pogrom, has also observed a reluctance on the part of the indigenous community to ‘play ball’ with the Taxi Marshalls thing. “Play ball – kick em in the balls, more like!” opined the Reverend J R Cassock-Tugg (a local, inter-faith, yoghurt weaving minister type). “Folks round here just don’t relish the thought of a taxi shoot out on the High Street every time they step out for an early evening constitutional and a spot of light, social drinking in proper pubs with proper beer, sandwiches and that.”

Further evidence of another CityVision Thing corporate dumb down (CDD) was filtering through to TW UK’s social observatory. A detailed analysis was not available as we went to print – sorry – upload but early indications would seem to point to a serious dip in the 1st quartile’s returns on intellectual stench, emotional torpor and the overall, diversity jihad. Looks like it’s going to be a lively few weeks in terms of essential research material, data and shit.

TW UK will continue to expose these and other interrelated issues that impact on the way things have been, and continue to, pan out in general and that. Look out for the following TW UK hot topics, research tenders and publications for analysis over the coming year:

‘Free Fall in the Free Market’ – a treatise on general greed and shit by Professor I. Wilmot-Quantify

Towards Flattism Post 9/11 – a theoretical trawl round the more sensitive issues related to low flying aircraft and inner city, high-rise office dwellings.

‘The Homogenisation of UK City Centres - a ‘theoretical audit’ of Town Planning and how stuff has been panning out over the last decade by the prestigious Accountancy Firm Hoctor, Proct, & O’Fallacy Associates.

‘Parvenus are Crap and That – Resisting the Chav Tsunami in the 21st Century - a cri de coeur by a community under siege.

Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVp8UGjECt4 for a lesson on economics and the panning out theor