EXCLUSIVE!!! Twat Watch relaunches after a few years of wilderbeast inactivity. New editorial team appointed, court told at Holbrooks assizes.

"The world has changed," opined Gee Hadi (TWUK's new foreign correspondent) as he concluded his presentation to the Bureau’s (newly appointed) editorial board recently on May 14^th in the back room of the Boar’s Head Inn near Whitney in Oxford somewhere. "Peas be upon TWUK.  Our journalistic tanks and heavy research artillery are poised on the government’s front lawn and we intend to do some serious doo doo on it and that.”

Follow this link to our secure site in Langley where our Panning Out 2 algorithm was developed

When I'm president I'm gonna

get an enlargement and the

Mexicans can pay for it.

How's about that for our kids' future?

  

Anyone  seen my 'fantastically' sexy

 Gloucester Old Spot ? I fancy a swift

one in the Boar's Head and that

Since TWUK was last published, a load of stuff has happened (see dead iconic images of both the shame, the ennui, and the torpor that has blighted society way too much since then. This makes it a bit difficult to analyse everything and come up with a coherent bit of writing while still remaining fashionable and that.  The editorial board will be convening on both an hourly, a daily and a weekly basis as well as at other, as yet, unspecified times. We would ask readers to be patient.  We think the wait will be useful to you on both spiritual, literal, metaphorical and molecular levels.  The New Greed and the whole globalising thing has moved on massively and blatantly loads since TWUK’s early days when it campaigned to present the public with both carefully analysed facts, smart statistics and interesting stories which, though cute, both rocked the very foundation of loads of things and that.  Noble award winning sociologist, Brock Fister praised  TWUK last week when he opined that TWUK was “…. fantastically vague and that but always specifically on message.  It seeks to expose all of the guff and hypocrisy that exists in society and that.”  With an endorsement like that readers could be in for both a real discourse, an open ended intercourse and plenty of stuff that will both shock, amaze and amuse all our readers from a wide range of sociological backgrounds and that. 

Our sole Rueters correspondent Gee (known colloquially as Gee Hadi Gee or GHG for short) opined recently, that the world has changed somewhat and since we last hot plated our TWUK copy onto the internet thing, the editorial board has both undergone some changes too as well. We have had to review our reactions policy to take account of the growing number of 'non binary issues' panning out everywhere in society and that.  So, watch this space as they say on Uranus. Please forward any leads, dirt, back or front stories to our esteemed editor, Crimson Boner at crimson.boner@googlemail.com

Global Stuff and Local Resistance - even the French can't spell ‘entrepreneur’ anymore.

Aftermath

Beforemath

Gee Hadi Gee (GHG for short) has pointed out that the world has changed.  Whilst taking account of this importantly significant, global perspective and that, readers will want to know how this both directly, indirectly and in a non-binary way affects us all at the local level.  TWUK readers of old will recall our pioneering, investigative work on the effects of the globalised New Greed, the Business Flunkey syndrome, the ten sandwich eating Chav-Twat 4X4 thing, the public sector borrowing requirement and loads more stuff all at a local level.  It was a bold and radical decision therefore to locate our international headquarters far away from the metropolitan void/vacuum that is commonly known as London, choosing instead to engage with ‘real people’ as opposed to over privileged, media types, SPADs (Westminster rent boys), young boys in skin tight suits (heralding a new style in toff-chav twattism), ‘creatives’, hipsters, hucksters and that - you all know what I’m talking about.  Anyway, we will continue on this path to expose the utter pointlessness of London as the arbiter of what pans out in society and shit.

Developments on our high streets panning out in a naff way. “Something’s gotta be done about it and that,” says a bloke.

It’s been tried before and no doubt it will be tried again in the European High Courts of justice and shit. The new entrepreneurial way (NEW for short) has laid its larvae (eggs) in the underbelly of our communities, high streets, local community food banks, public lavatories, local schools, drains and miscellaneous infrastructural things along those kind of lines.  We publish here today photographs taken on a typical High Street of the rapid and crippling changes the New Greed has imposed on the unpresupposing public in society and that.  Both images represent these crippling changes  since TWUK was last published. We see in the beforemath picture circa (2009) the early stages of establishing the new entrepreneurial way (NEW for short) on a typical High Street. Note in particular the macho testicular style topiary at the rear entrance to one of the most typicallest bin end food and drink outlets in society and that.  The elaborately bejazzled 'rear entrance' to this outlet speaks to the testosterone fuelled aspirations of the New Twattism with its insistence on enforcing the ten sandwich eating, compulsory skin tight business flunkey suit dress code for all sorts of business types and shit. Contrast this with the other picture Aftermath (circa 2016) and note the development that has panned out in the space of half a decade.  Not a lot basically.  Both however include the tunnel of shame as an essential  homoerotic, sub inguinal leitmotif as a way of appearing dead iconic twenty four seven and that. TWUK will be keeping an eye on this retail outlet in both the coming weeks, months and years.

Piss Trails and Bogler Mayhem all over again - The new digitised Fleet St twatterati pile in with biased, hard right, extremist, guff to signal ratio.

For those who are keen observers of and listeners to current most, if not quite a lot of, the stuff that deals with the crisis in how things pan out in society and that will both no doubt be aware of the rapidest deterioration in 'so called' "evidenced based" journalistic standards. And, as ashen faced, tight lipped, chief BBC Politics flunkey type, Laura (objectivity crisis) Laura Kuenssberg  takes the lead in this, the rapidest deterioration thing that's panned out in ages and shit.  Society is, like WOW, OMG, LOL, twenty 4 seven, any time soon. This is the kind of lousy guff to signal ratio that we get off the New Greed, ten sandwich eating, mandatory skin tight suit wearing business flunky types all the time, especially on the media and the World Wide Webster thing.

Kuenssberg - the New Twattism's
best friend 

Arial View of the New

Twattisme Cuisine

If this wasn't bad enough, we're picking up similar stuff in the London Village Vacuum place that's both cut off from the rest of the society and that in the form of a radio station, L.C.B. or, and get this stinky bit of hubris, Leading Britain's Conversation, as it is known as to all those poor, unfortunate, Londoner types.  Such Big Beasts as Nick Ferari, John Staplegun and Kate Hopkins waff on mindlessly about their vision of how they think things are panning out in society and that (follow the link and see the mugshots of this sad crew and get a butchers of what grubby, bin end broadcasting is really all about in a roundabout kind of context whilst both remaining loyal to the modern, free market thing. 

LCDB - Lowest Common Denominator Broadcasts thing         

Seriously?

Bog Mayhem and Piss
Trails of The New Twattism

TWUK's researchers and editorial staff have pulled out most of the full stops commas and shit to investigate the link between the deterioration in journalistic standards with its concomitant effect on both the public's perception of how stuff is panning out; how this affects the upkeep and maintenance of urinals in High Street, ten sandwich eating, retail outlets (e.g. Cottage/Watchmakers, Street, Millsy's etc.) as typified in both the aerial shots and closely observed photo journalism above and; the inevitable decline in social and moral values and shit. It should be noted that these shots were taken under very stressful conditions by our intrepid snapper Reverend J Arthur Wank (copyright and disclaimer guff courtesy of Brock Fister Solutions Ltd (International)).

The urinal thing took a few hours to set up and was very stressful for the Reverend as the shame thing which is central to New Greed's grip on society and that, echoed loudly in the porcelain of his tested conscience and sense of fair play.  Nonethemore, TWUK's readers will be keen to see how this whole thing can be analysed in a way more betterer way about how the panning out index has been affected. The Noble Prize winning economist, uncle of Tommy Proinas O'Dubhthaigh, Dr. Diermud O'Diermud seen in the clip giving his learned take on the Panning Out Index and the after effects of Ten years of the feckin' New Greed and shite. Anyways,